Roger Vincent Jasaitis

I recently attended a bachelor party thrown for an old friend. While traveling to it I was thinking what a strange social custom this is. Celebrating the last bout of freedom before a marriage. I have heard stories ( I’m sure that you have too) about how debauched these freedoms can become at these parties. Did these traditions devolve from something more innocent? Or perhaps, it is like the Halloween before All Saints Day or the Mardi Gras before Lent. Do you notice that all of these traditions revolve around partying before a religious event that involves restraint or self-control?

I had the thought en-route that the dynamic is: sin, forgiveness and redemption. I did not want to partake in this dynamic or any debauchery, so I thought that perhaps I could use this event to have a more productive conversation with the groom about the relationship about to be entered into.

With the party atmosphere at the event this conversation did not take place, so I thought that I would share it here… at least my side of it, for what it is worth.

So, I was contemplating what is the bedrock foundation of a relationship? Honesty came to mind immediately. You cannot have love, respect, or trust without it. Honesty with your partner is paramount but even more importantly is being truthful with yourself. Being truthful about your intentions, your needs and desires and your situation. If you are not clear with yourself the relationship is ultimately going to be a difficult one.

This process of self-examination must be ongoing over time. Our intentions, desires and situations are constantly in flux. This is as important as honest dialogue with your partner.

Dear Gary and Dorothy, I hope that you may find some benefit in these words and I wish you both a long and truth-filled marriage together.